Roger Ailes is a happy man. His team of lawyers was able to successfully argue for the network's right to lie and distort the news. This needs no further comment.

Clinton is fulfilling his civic duty. Says the judge, "I suspect there has never been anyone who answered yes to so many questions and survived the voir dire process." Yes, the Secret Service protection detail comes with him. This is what makes America great -- I hope he enjoyed the orientation video as much as I did.

A few thousand years ago...we were hanging out at an underground lake in the mountains. You - my own, my love...petite, golden glow, almost EVIL; sleek and quite overpowering. Me - 4'5", dark, fine hairs, physical atrophy, into loincloths and raw meat/fish. Refreshing diving pool a +. We sings for you about it sometimes. Come back to us.

My aunt has been to the creek with her umbrella as a flourish. Four linguistics students at Harvard are conducting an online dialect survey, and map the results geographically.

If you'd like to know more about how the Kingdom of Hawaii became the Territory of Hawaii, the University of Hawaii has an excellent collection of primary sources. The Dole fruit and sugar fortune had not a little to do with it. A church here in Brooklyn has a saying: "Our missionaries went to Hawaii to do good, and they did very well."

I thought I was over my paralyzing high-school crush on you. I am not.

A long-overdue swipe at David Foster Wallace. Includes bonus parody excerpt!